live everyday as if there is no tomorrow...

Indeed, God speaks...

2009-06-28T01:03:00.001-05:00

I was just struggling about a "justice" issue... RIght before bed, I decided to look at today's devotional thoughts... here's what it says...

Jesus says, in effect, "Don’t worry about whether or not you are being treated justly." Looking for justice is actually a sign that we have been diverted from our devotion to Him. Never look for justice in this world, but never cease to give it. If we look for justice, we will only begin to complain and to indulge ourselves in the discontent of self-pity, as if to say, "Why should I be treated like this?" If we are devoted to Jesus Christ, we have nothing to do with what we encounter, whether it is just or unjust. In essence, Jesus says, "Continue steadily on with what I have told you to do, and I will guard your life. If you try to guard it yourself, you remove yourself from My deliverance." Even the most devout among us become atheistic in this regard— we do not believe Him. We put our common sense on the throne and then attach God’s name to it. We do lean to our own understanding, instead of trusting God with all our hearts.

How convicting yet assuring at the same time. Thank You Lord... :)

epiphany

2009-06-27T08:10:00.003-05:00

So, it was Friday night that I suddenly got really uneasy... I wasn't sure what or how I was feeling. But I was really burdened... my heart felt heavy. It might've exploded... I dunno...

I was lethargic... it made me realize how fragile my life was... Oh, how God was in control of my life, He knows when and how long I have on this world. And I said a silent prayer to God...

"Lord, I know You love me, and Lord, You created me. If tonight You want to take me back, Lord, I pray that I will be with You forever, and that You would take care of mum and dad here on earth, let them not be disheartened. Amen"

As I went to bed, I could not help but think of all the people I know that didn't know my God... the One true God who loves us all for everything good or bad we have done in the past... the One and only God who washes away our sins and gives us hope, the One and only God who forgives us for the mistakes and sin we have done... where oh where can we ever find another like You Lord.

I have not been a good servant of You Lord... I have not spread Your word, and I felt terrible as I was laying there on my bed.

This morning, You gave me a chance again. You gave me life, and I am eternally grateful. Use me Lord. My life is Yours.

Thank you Lord.

bump as huge as an egg

2009-02-24T21:48:00.002-06:00

My student bumped his head on the heater in my classroom today...

I have never ever EVER seen such a huge bump in my whole life...

It was scary... poor thing...

frustrated... tired...

2009-02-23T21:48:00.003-06:00

okay... haven't blogged and update for the longest time! BUT lots of good things and sad thing have happened... just didn't get a chance to write it down...

however, today...
argh... actually, for the past few days...
I feel like i have endangered random people around me...
nearly knocked a guy jogging as I was reversing my car to go to work last Wednesday, nearly collided with a lady driving as I was heading to Smiths on Thursday after work... overwhelmed with what my Resource teacher was talking about... weekend, i slept through the friggin whole day on Saturday, wasted all the time (well at least i got some work done i guess)... and I KNOW! in all these things, count my blessing, and the truth is i realized how much God has protected me, just the 2 near-accidents are great examples, he saved me...

RT came out today again, man I felt like a dumbo... i had zero idea what the heck she was saying, and i was getting rather frustrated as she kept going on and on... she saw the blank stare at my face probably, and she tried explaining it again, but i was like, what the heck??? more data collection, the reading program you are using, how you relate this to that? where you get that from? how i put and organize my assessments... PLEASE enough!!!!!! grrrr... (i just need to let it out, no worries)... it is so tiring... you ask me if i am burned out, i want to say no, but i am beginning to wonder of i really am???!!! I don't consider this as burned out though... i don't know... all i know is, i feel like a dumb dumb right now, such simple things also i don't understand... am i doing things right? where did i screw up if i did? i know you said i didn't, but isn't that what you kinda tell everyone else too? It's kinda like i tell my special needs student, oh you are so smart!! when in actual fact, not really?? (okay this sounds harsh...) but the truth is, one my students (well not really mine, next door special ed class student) knows! Yeah, we encourage and give positive reinforcement over and over, and i must say it is great, but when I said that, he was like, yeah if that's the case, why are we even in special ed??? I was greatly shocked...

I don't know... I am tired, and frustrated... I want to be and try to be the very best... maybe because if that, I feel this way now... maybe i should not push and give myself so much pressure... why do i do this to myself? I don't know... all i know is, I am tired right now... I wished I didn't have to be observed over and over again, I wished I knew if I was doing right or wrong...

Ok, no response to this post please... I am just venting, I will be okay by tomorrow... haha...

Lord, help me get over this... thank You.

Bridge Over Troubled Water

2009-01-19T14:46:00.000-06:00

When youre weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
Im on your side. when times get rough
And friends just cant be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When youre down and out,
When youre on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
Ill take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
Im sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

ranting

2009-01-09T22:28:00.004-06:00

it is at times like this that i feel very lonely and all by myself...
it's not that i don't know i have many friends that i can talk to or call whenever i want to,
however it is never the same as having someone here, near me that i can turn to for a hug or someone who could just listen to me rant...
i know God is here, i know He is always by my side and He hears it when I am going through these times... i wish He was physically here so that I can get a big hug...
i just listed out the things i have to do just for this month of January... i am not prepared to suddenly pick up so many responsibilities. there are so many expectations, and suddenly i am thrown a big pile of things as well... it is so overwhelming...
but i think it hurts most that i have no one here that i feel i can entirely turn to right now... :'(

p.s. my goal is to finish my assignment by 5pm, jan 10th.

Welcoming 2009

2009-01-02T12:25:00.003-06:00

the new year has come...

i don't really feel much about the whole new year resolution thing and all... it feels just like another day.. of course i am thinking, woah... time really flew by cause one whole year is gone...

i am however extremely thankful for the protection that God has provided and given me... He has been by my side through my ups and downs, the hardships that I had to go through, the transition to a new place and adjusting to teaching and doing Masters and all...

thank God for all the friendships that I have built over the new semester here in Albuquerque, and also for the wonderful friendships that I have had whether back in MN or anywhere in US, and even all the way around the world, in Malaysia and NZ... :)

have also been thinking about what am i gonna do after my Masters and the bond for 2 years... im not sure yet.. it is really quite far ahead... ive got a year and a half for masters and the bond for 2 more years... i will technically be 27 by then... will i end up staying here or going back it really depends on where the Lord leads me... ive thought about it, i have no preference as to where i want to be... i guess... i would rather leave it to God...

talked to a good friend about relationships and marriage... another thing to leave within God's hands... it's interesting to see how so many friends whether older or younger are getting married or are already married for that matter... wow... time really does fly...

well, Blessed New Year anyways, welcome year 2009!

Thank You Lord Jesus, for all the blessings You have given to me whether big or small... for You are faithful! :)

2008-12-29T02:13:00.001-06:00

it's hurting a little... i'm really kinda missing my sai lou... aih... doesn't help that he leaves earlier before I leave... :(

Christmas break

2008-12-29T01:53:00.003-06:00

so i was blessed to be able to go back to Bemidji for my Christmas break this year... :)

Very glad to see all my friends whom I really miss, for the most part... haha... and also to spend some time with my little brother... really miss him a lot...

sadly he will be leaving for canada earlier (tomorrow), before i leave... so im a little bummed about that, but we got to spend some fun times together... so that's great.. :)

hopefully all will be back to normal soon... i look forward to a happy bunch of friends... :)

follow, listen, do not fall

2008-10-29T23:10:00.003-05:00

i have a heart, a heart that follows the flesh but not the Spirit...
i know, and i yearn that i can listen and obey...

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Matthew 26:41

Lord, help me to not fall once again. Hear my cry Lord. I do not want to hurt You anymore...

2008-10-12T17:55:00.001-05:00

Lord, please help me trust in You...

Just like You said in service today, i can lean on You, and You are in control at all times.

I just lift it up to You... thank You for listening... :)

let go

2008-09-23T21:56:00.001-05:00

I'm scared...

Lord, help me to trust in You and let it go...

Help me to be strong and not fall...

I'm not scared... because I have You Lord.

Help me deal with it the right way.

Thank You Lord.

2008-09-07T19:02:00.001-05:00

:)

Smiles!!!

Just Wondering...

2008-08-31T19:38:00.006-05:00

Wondering what am I doing here?
Wondering if this is the right thing for me?
Wondering if I can believe in God and in myself?
Wondering what this life has to offer?
Wondering if there is an easy way out?
Wondering if I will survive?
Wondering where you are as I'm typing this?
Wondering if you hear me when I cry?
Wondering if you are by my side just as you promised?
Wondering if I'm clapping by myself?
Wondering if I will ever find you?
Wondering why I wonder?
Wondering if this is all to life?
Wondering why the sky is blue?
Wondering why I love the wind in my face?
Wondering why I'm sitting here drinking chai?
Wondering why I'm thinking about you?
Wondering why the clouds are so pretty high up in the sky?
Wondering why the sun shines ever so brightly?
Wondering why the flame flickers on the candle?
Wondering why the smell of the candle fills my room?
Wondering why everyone says you'll be okay when they don't even know?
Wondering why there is no one around me when there are so many people around me?
Wondering if I made a mistake?

2008-08-17T15:49:00.003-05:00

心好痛。。。为什么会变成这个样子？

randomness

2008-08-11T01:45:00.003-05:00

should probably update this a little.. haha

okay, im back in US, fyi...

been at meetings and orientations for the most of the 2 weeks i was back... *sighs*

got my own car! it's great, cause now i need not rely on others...

im starting to teach at elementary school on Tuesday! very anxious, but very excited... more anxious than excited... oh no, i might get a panic attack!! yikes!

gonna go in for more meetings mrow at the school, and class decoration... not even close to finish and most of the other teachers are done... thanks to me not being able to go to the school earlier since i had no car...

olympics opening was awesome! :) loved the part where that gymnast guy from china lit the torch... FAB!

met a couple of new friends, all from China... brought one of em around and helped him get set up with bank accounts and random stuff like that... made me miss the good ole IVCF days when i used to do that with International students... IF ONLY...

okay, supposedly suppose to come out with some lesson plans and rules for the class.. but im sitting here doing this instead... haha...

adios!

and...

2008-07-13T06:17:00.002-05:00

OFF to Penang i go tonight... as a matter of fact, NOW! haha...

then coming back to KL, immediately taking a bus down to Singapore from there! Talk about the craziest trip ever, but, I guess it should be all worth it! :)

Was back to church for the first Sunday i came back... how interesting... haha...

Alrighty! Will update when I can! :) But for now, all the SCRUMPTIOUS and YUMMY Penang food, here I COME!! haha :D

and there it is...

2008-07-10T12:23:00.002-05:00

it's only been 3 days,
the feeling i was dreading...
hit me right in the face.
i'm blunt... i'm not sure of what i should do...

in LAX

2008-07-05T21:23:00.003-05:00

wow... so i am finally now in LAX, waiting for my transit out to Hong Kong then to KL...

things i have observed so far since I left Albuquerque this morning at 10 am...

i) Albuquerque Sunport has free internet! woohoo~ haha..

ii) Which leads me to meeting Lemuel who asked me to help him bid on pedals (he specifically wanted the EQ pedal only....or so he says..) and to find out he knows san! haha sweet! what a small world!

iii) Flew to Phoenix, terrible flight! Pilot dunno how to maneuver the plane.. i got a sudden outburst of blood rushing to my head while in the process of landing...and apparently people like to just swap spots assuming there is no one in the seat even when it is not time yet to fly! amazing! so disrespectful... at least wait till ure flying and ure sure no one aint comin in no more!

iv) I really thought that I might lose my life, not cause the pilot sucked, but cause of the sudden blood rush or whatever it was to my head. my whole neck was stiffed and my brain and head hurt like crap...

v) Which made me think, if i die, what would happen... and all i wanted was that God let me see my family first before i die, and that with my 22 years here on earth, i glorified Him the best i can, even if i am not perfect

vi) I survived! YAY! haha... reached LAX... airport SUCKS big time too.

vii) Cathay pacific changes it's location to check in all over the place... and the airport is super complicated..

viii) ate at some cacat expensive restaurant.. daily grill i think... my gosh... food was ma ma tei and pricey, but at least i got free internet

ix) (haha, i now know ix means 9, sad huh? haha) anyways, bought advil for the trip later just in case i get some bombastic headache... and some chocs for the fam...

x) sitting on a bench and using the free internet whilst waiting for me show to load...

xi) getting a headache soon... *sob sob*

alrighty! till then!

gone gone going...

2008-07-05T10:34:00.002-05:00

OKie... 25 more minutes before i leave to the airport...

am i excited? I really don't know... no feelings i must say, maybe it hasn't kicked in yet...

Or maybe because of all my crazy workload for summer i just don't have any feelings to anything anymore...

weird huh? oh well... it should be fine. i will be excited when i reach HK maybe! haha...

and i hope no awkwardness back in Malaysia... it's kinda weird to suddenly go back and have so many people around me when I am so used to having my own apartment and living alone...

will write more when i am back in MY! :D Cheers for now!

tagged...

2008-07-04T13:32:00.002-05:00

1. What is the most important thing in your life?
Well, probably my trust in God and my relationship with Him. At this point of my life, I can really see how much i need Him to help me pull through for my Master's...

2. What is the last thing you bought with your own money?
My Cuban Sandwich..

3.Where do you wish to get married?
Anywhere that I am at that point of time... of course depending on my hubby too...

4. How old do you think you'll be permanently owned by your lover?
which lover are we talking about?
i) God, my dad in heaven will love me forever and ever despite of how old i am.. :)
ii) Future hubby, till i die... hehe...

5. Are you in love?
once again, with who?
i) God, definitely YES
ii) Any other human on earth now, not love 'love' but friend love, lots...

6. Where was the last restaurant you had dinner?
Kelly's, went out to celebrate after the last day of class and 3 hour naps!! and 50-60 pages of assignments!!

7. Name the latest book you bought?
Hmmz, probably my textbooks for classes,
i) Mental Retardation: An introduction to intellectual disabilities
ii) The Cloak of Competence (pretty interesting longitudinal study on people with intellectual disabilities)

8. What is your full name?
Valerie Ong Mei Hwei

9. Do you prefer mother or father?
No preference, love them both no matter what. And this is dumb trick question...

10. Name a person that you really wish to meet in your real life for the first time.
Jesus

11. Christina or Britney?
Neither

12. Do you do your own laundry?
Yups. will be doing it later this afternoon, cause i need clean clothes! haha

13. The most exciting place you want to go?
Probably for now, i want to go to Korea... that's the plan...

14. Hugs or Kisses?
I LOVE hugs!, and kisses will be kept for the someone special... :)

15. Point out 5 things about the person who tagged you
Yes MS RACHEL PUAN...
i) Lemak!
ii) Cute
iii) Hyper
iv) Loves good food
v) Awesome friend! :) I miss you much!

16. 8 things I'm passionate about
i) J.C.
ii) family and friends/dogs
iii) good food/cooking
iv) music/and with that comes singing and instruments
v) special needs children (for now, classes has definitely spark more interest in me)
vi) the internet (sadly, i need it, k, maybe it is not a need, but a wanting... haha)
vii) sleep (lacking that since Summer classes started)
viii) dancing (hehe.... i would love to dance with my partner some time)

17.8 things I say too often
i) hahahahaha (it's not saying, but i laugh too much, but i like it! haha)
ii) What?!!
iii) huh??
iv) okay....
v) duh~~
vi) yeah right!
vii) sorry...
viii) WHATEVER~!!!

18.8 books I've read recently
i) Mental retardation: an intro to intellectual disabilities
ii) the cloak of competence
iii) the American Association on Mental Retardation (AAMR) 2002
iv) When God write your love story
v) Casa Angelica
vi) The BIG idea
vii) Blogs? (if those count)
viii) Bible... which i really need to start reading more of... :(

Ok, all i can think of now is my text books and wonderful journal articles... if u ask me 8 articles ive read recently... whoa... i can definitely tell u that! haha

19.8 songs I could listen to over and over again
i) Hosanna - Hillsong
ii) Here in my life - Hillsong
iii) Healer - Planetshaker
iv) I'm your servant
v) There is none like you
vi) No air - Jordin Spark and Chris Brown
vii) Lost - Michael Buble (actually anything Michael Buble)
viii) Through the rain - Mariah Carey

20.8 things I learnt last year (not only last year.. but throughout)
i) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
ii) I love my friends very much, and they mean a lot to me
iii) I like the peaceful quite life of Bemidji, going to Albuquerque was a shock again...
iv) To respect and listen to others
v) Be on a lookout for others
vi) To be passionate for Christ
vii) I can serve Him wherever I am or go
viii) Being on staff with IVCF was not easy but fruitful! haha

21.8 people you tag
i) Irene Wong (if you see this)
ii) Gloria Teng (if you have nothing else better to do... hehehe or need a break from studies)
iii) Tab, my sis... (of course if you're up for it)
iv) Tab Sze (if you want to go into your memory sectionof your brain a bit... hahaa)
v) Haeman (if you ever start your blog)
vi) Natalie Kan (cause you're free and ure back in MY)
vii) Ern Chee (if you're free too...)
viii) Jamie Lim (if you ever find my blog! haha)

i want to...

2008-07-01T01:05:00.003-05:00

i want to stay strong...
i want to survive the race...
i want to finish my assignments in time and score the best i can on it...
i want to let go...
i want to trust Him...
i want to stop crying...
i want to believe...
i want to know...

that i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

it is just 3 more days, and 2 more major assignments. please don't stress out now but focus to accomplish them!

and dear com, please do NOT do NOT die on me right now... Lord, i commit lappy into Your hands. Amen!

Dream on...

2008-06-29T23:15:00.002-05:00

A post that i had put up in 2006, which i thought i would share with the world again...

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for,

and if you dare dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking the fool for love,

for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.

I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow,

if you have been opened up by life's betrayals

or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,

if you can dance with wildness

and let ecstacy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes

without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic,

or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.

I want to know if you can betray another to be true to yourself;

if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not a pretty day,

and if you can source your life from God's presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,

and stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver light of a full moon,

"Yes!" It doesn't interest me to know where you live

or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair,

weary and bruised to the bone,

and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't matter who you are, or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire

with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,

and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer (A Native American Elder) ~

what i've learned about Albuquerque....

2008-06-29T18:03:00.002-05:00

Ok, so i've been here in Albuquerque, say what? about a little more than a month...

I thought i should jot down what i have seen or observed about this city...

i) Lots of cars on the road, in particular the main road, Central, aka the famous Route 66 which is like where the university is, and like right next to my apartment too...

ii) It isn't just any type of cars though, most of them are sports cars or convertibles with cool looking shapes and stuff like that...

iii) Multi, diversed bunch of people here in Albuquerque, you walk down the street, you can see all kinds of people from difference culture and race, and the poor and rich and the students and the classy or hippy kinda people...

iv) high crime rate, high THEFT rate too... (which explains me bike getting stolen)

v) people are not as friendly as Bemidji, SAD! Cause i miss people in Bemidji... where you can smile to anyone, this is the usual city life.. where you don't do that...

vi) sucky public transportation unless you are travelling up and down central... haha... that, is not too bad... other than that, cab is freaking expensive! you practically need a car here.

vii) lecturers (so far) are nice people... haha... they've been very helpful with my transitioning in... and so are the few friends i met in class... nice people...

that's all for now, and the list will grow as time passes...

time to go back to assignment land! haha... my life is all about assignments! yay!!!*note the sarcasm*!!!

how much do you mean?

2008-06-17T21:06:00.003-05:00

how many times have i hurt my Father in heaven?

time after time He has forgive me
over and over again He has provided for me

heal my heart and make it clean
open up my eyes to the things yet unseen

show me how to love like You have loved me

break my heart for what break Yours
everything I have for your Kingdoms cause

as I walk from earth into eternity

let me mean what I sing dear Lord... break my heart, for what break's Yours.

just as weak

2008-06-17T09:55:00.002-05:00

as i went through my first week of master's and summer classes,
i broke down last night... i thought i could do better than this,
to hold it all in, but i could not...

of course, many factors that triggered it,
but ultimately, i have been holding in
and psyching myself, that yes Val, you can do it!

once again, due to my thick face and pride,
i could not speak to anyone...
i did not want to talk nor did i want to do anything...
all i wanted was for someone to hold me and to comfort me

whom shall i turn to in times of need?
only my Lord, my God...
He took me in His hands and held me like a baby,
He covered me under His wings of glory, and comforted me.

sorry to my friends, who love and care for me despite all my flaws
and yet, i could not see past them.

things i am looking forward to

2008-06-16T03:42:00.002-05:00

Aww!! my house back in KL finally has a DOG!!! a DOG!!! do you know how much I have always wanted a dog? haha..

Rachel, my sister's friend gave her one of the small poodle dogs which her dog gave birth to! They are just so SO adorable! haha... I am so glad that my dad was ok with it too! given that my mum isnt at home now, i guess this is the best time to bring the pet in eh? haha...

Double excitement for me when I get back to KL then! I am so excited! haha...

Other than that, I am still up at miserable 2.45am on a Monday morning, trying to sum up some Mental Retardation stuff fro our group presentation... but totally not motivated to do it, thats why it's just been on the chair while i am blogging... haha

And my dear Jamie, gave me a bunch of pretty fun CDs, am enjoying them now!

I have so many things to look forward to back in MY! haha... this is my only motivation to finish up my classes now and do well in them! (or rather i hope) haha

things i look forward in MY:
i) FOOD! duh~~ it's only a MUST!!
ii) Friends and Family time (holiday at Penang and Singapore if possible)
iii) Meeting Haeman and maybe Tab! Yay!!! my friends from B-town!
iv) now a DOG to play with! yeahhhh!!!! :D
v) driving in KL!! haha...

me and albuquerque

2008-06-12T01:36:00.001-05:00

I'm sooooo TAN!!!!

yeee... if only it was even then maybe it wouldn't matter that much. but it's NOT!! grrr...

anyways, classes -> SUCK... but, still surviving...

let's just say am not gonna take 2 classes in one session during the summer time, unless im trying to sign myself up for educational suicide or something... haha

2008-06-07T03:24:00.001-05:00

i waited, and waited...
for a sound, a light, a direction...
you never came, never came...
i tried, i really did try...
but i guess we just couldn't meet...

Realize

2008-06-01T17:23:00.002-05:00

Take time to realize,
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by
Didn't I tell you

It's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

If you just realize what I just realized

Missed out on each other now

my last days

2008-05-16T00:52:00.002-05:00

It's been a crazy week, or rather past 2 weeks. I can't believe it, (actually I can) I'm really really moving to Albuquerque in 3 days. It's so weird, so _______ (fill in the blank)...

I don't know how I'm feeling. It's a mixture. I must admit, the more I think of it, the more I am not keen on going. I cannot bear to leave and be separated from my friends now. I think I've cried so much that my tear ducts are probably dried up. I am unmotivated, I just don't feel like doing anything.

Gosh! I have to pack my stuff, settle my bills and services, change my phone plan, clean the house, meet up with friends, write letters... ugh... just too many things to think about, too many things to do, and I know I will probably end up being very emotionally distraught... is that even right?

Ah well, let's just say, I need to get over myself and suck it up. If I have to bottle it up, I will. Stop being such a cry baby Val... You can do it through Christ who strengthens you!

:'(

Falling in love at a coffeeshop

2008-05-01T01:43:00.000-05:00

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you.
Yes there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you.
I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down,
I want to come too.

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you

No one understands me, quite like you do,
Through all of the shadowy corners of me.

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much.
All of the while, I never knew.
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
I love so much.
All of the while, I never knew.

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you.
Yes there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you.
I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine,
Now I'm shining too.

Because, oh because,
I've fallen quite hard over you.

If I didn't know you, I'd rather not know.
If I couldn't have you, I'd rather be alone.

All of the while, all of the while,
And it's you.

Who is the boss of me?

2008-03-25T00:32:00.001-05:00

There's nothing my God cannot do,
there's nothing my God cannot do.

Lord, please be the boss of me.

...

2008-03-25T00:17:00.004-05:00

not sure if i should be feeling this way... it's been bugging me for the whole day now.

if i were to do it, be a part of it i should be happy i should do it with all my heart, but yet, i feel like i am not really a part of it.

Lord, i pray that i won't feel this way, but Lord, i can't help but wonder if i am really appreciated.

on the other hand, i feel as if things are all creeping up towards me. i thought i could get away from everything for a bit, but i guess no matter what i still have to take up some responsibilities.

i'm not sure if i am fully prepared to go to new mexico. i am excited. i want a change. but why do i feel so confused now? why do i feel this way Lord?

Now is the time

2008-02-04T09:37:00.000-06:00

Now is the time to lay it all down
Now is the time to give Him my dreams
Now is the time to give Him my fears
Now is the time to walk where He leads

Take my heart, and hold it in Your hands
Take my plans, and give me Your own
Take my eyes, and give me Your vision
Take my life, for it's not my own

Now is the time to trust Him completely
Now is the time to give Him my pride
Now is the time to give my emotions
Now is the time to give Him my mind

You are the Alpha, Omega, Creator
You are Protector, Provider, my Savior
You are the Alpha, Omega, Creator
You are Protector, Provider, my Savior

by Elizabeth Hunnicutt

www.elizabethhunnicutt.com/music.php

How true and melodious these words are. Lord, now IS the time. Thank you Lord for drawing me closer to You each and everyday...

the way i am

2008-01-12T23:14:00.000-06:00

If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.

Cuz I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

Cuz I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine if you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tear.

Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.

7 minutes after new year's day

2008-01-02T00:07:00.000-06:00

7 minutes...

do you even know I exist?

7 minutes...

is it me or is it you?

7 minutes...

Have yourself a merry little Christmas...

2007-12-27T18:52:00.000-06:00

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light.
From now on our troubles will be out of sight.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the yuletide gay.
From now on our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us,
Gather near to us, once more.

Through the years we all will be together,
If the fates allow.
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.

And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

snowflakes in my heart

2007-12-02T02:18:00.000-06:00

feels like I've lost you... weird...

it's only been a couple of days...

the snow is pouring crazy outside! seriously, driving in snow... NOT COOL!! freaky man!!

i don't know how my car is gonna survive the winter!! yikes!

2007-10-22T15:34:00.001-05:00

i should have known better...

lost in a sea of faces, can't come back up, not yet at least... but i want to

will you take my hand? and take me away?

circle of life

2007-10-22T15:10:00.000-05:00

randomness...
crumbled and scooped back into your arms
many times...
raw and selfish, left all alone
lost and wandering...
direction and guidance, hope fall down
disrespectful, harshness...
failure and dissapointment
leave...
far away, far far away
irresponsible...
life oh life is not even close
hear...
you can hear me
comfort...
only you, ice cream, chocolates
alone...
in front of the square box
blue black skies...
wonder and amazement
guitar and rhythm...
dance like you've never dance before
boulevards...
walking down the beach with you by my side
warm blankets...
tossed up into the sky, high high up into the sky

Pursuit

2007-08-23T10:20:00.000-05:00

a brief update about Pursuit...

one of the students in our chapter accepted the Lord as his personal savior!!! whoo hoooo!!!! im excited!! :p

Praise God for his openness and that Lord, You have indeed worked in his life.

Ha LEE Poh TeRRRR

2007-07-20T00:45:00.000-05:00

watched the latest harry potter movie last night for FREE!!! woohoo... HUPB was having this event where we had to show our student ID for a free movie at the local theater. that was kinda sweet~

reviews about it.. too lazy to type now cause i wanna sleep... will do so later plus updates on Sonshine~ total sweetness!

Faithful and True

2007-07-08T22:29:00.000-05:00

Was blessed at church today with the performance of a singer/composer, Todd MacDonald. He sings and plays his guitar, I was very much encouraged by this particular song, Faithful and True.

Well, I sure took a right turn out of my driveway just three weeks ago
Cause I could hear Colorad calling me
I thought I'd plant my feet on the Promised Land and let me grow
Now I'm taller than I ever thought I'd be

Cause you're teaching me that...
You don't change; You don't move
You're the same now and always
Unwavering, faithful and true
With you there's no shadow of turning
I'm finally learning this is true
You're like a sun that always shines, in a sky that's always blue
You're faithful and true

Well, I've sure been on the road, man, I like the sound of my wheels when they're spinning
Now here I am a good two thousand miles away
Though I can hardly see the Rockies for the rain and the clouds, still I can't stop grinning

Cause you taught my soul to sing a new song today...
You don't change; You don't move
You're the same now and always
Unwavering, faithful and true
With you there's no shadow of turning
I'm finally learning this is true
You're like a sun that always shines, in a sky that's always blue
You're faithful and true

Oh, what a fool to believe that you had left me in my blues
When you were all the while waiting right where i left you
Oh, you don't change; you don't move, no
You're the same now and always
Unwavering, faithful and true
With you there's no shadow of turning
I'm finally learning this is true
You're like a sun that always shines, in a sky that's always blue
You're faithful and true

No mp3... not sure how to add it on from a CD... (for sure i know i needa rip it out)

it was a holiday

2007-07-07T21:41:00.001-05:00

NOT!

there's just so many things to update about, but im soo lazy. but i'll try...

July 4th,
US of A's Independence day. It was kinda cool, did pretty similar things like last summer. There was a carnival near the waterfront, so there were random rides and some stalls with fun games (some i feel rather cheated). but it was all cool! went to see fireworks at 10.00pm (that's when the sky actually turns dark here in Bemidji). Fireworks are always amazing, and it never fails to amaze me. It's just lovely to see it fly high up in the sky and burst into this amazing flowery flame thing that lights and brightens up the sky! went home and met up with a friend who tried to persuade me to go for some dance thingy (which i cant dance...duh~) and waited for the rest to come home with their goodies from albertville and the cities. they went to do some clothes and asian food shopping... ;p

random pictures from the fireworks and us playing fireworks! :p

and today, the memorable, 07/07/07
was planning a trip to go down to itasca since i dunno when, booked a car online with National/Alamo. woke up friggin early just because the Paul Bunyan transit said they only had one bus that goes to the airport (place to get car) at 8.15 am. Its bad enough if u dun have enuf sleep but the worse thing to find out that u cant get the car cause ure underage?!!!! geeezzzz if that was so, they should not have let the whole transaction thing go through online about booking the car in the first place. Not only were they late to get start their business, we didnt have transport to go back home. grrrr soo pissed off!! totally blew my mood away to go for our trip. so then this other company Enterprise said they have a car coming in at 12-12.30, so we decided to go on ahead with that, i mean, after all food was prepared lots of stuff was done just for this whole trip thingy. and 1pm came, they told us they didnt have it!!!! wahhhH~~~~~ to cut the story short, we ended up going to the OPC (outdoor program center) did some canoeing (a whole new story to tell here) and picnic food, fishing and sun bathing... and chinese food for dinner... that was my whole day.... in between some where.. i got really pissed at one of my buddy... ahh... now im totally regretting it... but what he said really did kinda hurt me. knowing him and knowing that he was kinda joking, i still took it personally.. dat totally ruined part (at least a small part) of my day... everything was kinda tensed.... not only me, but everyone else too in some weird way... hmmz.. must be the weather or something.. was 96F out there today! dang it was super burning hot!

im not in the right position for anything right now... i feel like i need a break, and im just not doing things the way God wants me to. im drifting... further and further away. and it scares me to know that i noticed that. but it feels like im stuck in this cemented floor. and i cant move my legs out of it. and as i slowly see things pass me by, im slowly losing it... it fears me a lot. this is something between me and God... if i dont turn to Him, i will lose Him one day... im sorry Lord... help me grow fonder and closer to You...

bye bemidji~

2007-06-17T22:18:00.000-05:00

outta town tomorrow!

it's good to be away from bemidji for a while... im tired...

although i wont get some alone time, but at least im out.. :p

gonna go meet a friend who just graduated, im excited!

Lord, thanks for just being by my side.

2007-06-17T22:16:00.000-05:00

It's a BRAND NEW START~

thanks for setting me free Lord!

finally~

2007-06-05T14:55:00.001-05:00

Hey... So... lalala.. as usual Im a rather lazy person and I never update my blog frequently, I guess it's something that I'll never learn to do... Maybe cause I just find it useless to tell the events via word of mouth then blogging here again... (then again, not like i get to tell people in other countries, as in not in US)...

Okay, so here's d deal, I'm OFFICIALLY outta university! I graduated in December as ya'll know... but i walked in May... it was great! My family came all the way from Malaysia to celebrate it with me. We even had a family holiday, which was good cause we seldom have those... went to san francisco, seattle and vancouver, canada! I think vancouver is definitely a place i can see myself at. i really like it there. not too big kinda city life like KL or San Fran/Chicago, not as small as the town im in now (Bemidji, MN) it's more of an in between thing. PLus, it's easier for me to get PR there if i really wanted one.. hahahahaha

my sister is here with me now in US, she's been living at my place and will continue to live at my place till 16th of June.. ah well... not the best for me.. but it's fine.. it's her first time over here anyways.. so what can i say? *shrugs* i guess the thing is im not used to having someone stay with me at my place when ive been alone there.. it gets pretty 'sien' and all.. but im glad she's having fun and all.. so dats cool in a way! :p

just got back from a conference about reaching out to international students. It was good for me, because with my current job at IVCF im moved to work more with them (internationals). All along when i cam back to US of A, i never really wanted to work with the internationals there because i felt that i was one of them and i wanted to try something new... so yea.. im challenged and moved to do something to reach out to them.

erm... summer fellowhship starts today (tuesday June 5th) so i need to prepare for that in like 2 more hours... gotta head over to the library to print out the song sheets... haha... well.. to cut it short.. i think that's pretty much ive been up to lately...

so wait till next month for the next update!! :p (just kidding) i dunno when i'll update this again... just be patient.. :p

adios!

2007-05-03T18:56:00.000-05:00

i miss Christmas

i wish to have a fireplace during Christmas...

and to be able to snuggle up in a blanket with a cup of hot cappuccino

ahhh...

2007-05-02T23:47:00.000-05:00

failure. disappointment. useless. dumb

stupidity. worthless. pathetic. loser

cry. smile. love. hurt.

change. stop. forget. move

who am i?

2007-04-28T01:55:00.000-05:00

who am i?
that the Lord of all the earth
would care to know my name
would care to feel my hurt

who am i?
that the bright and morning star
would choose to light the way
for my ever wandering heart

not because of who i am
but because of what You've done
not because of what i've done
but because of who You are

i am a flower quickly fading
here today and gone tomorrow
a wave tossed in the ocean
a vapor in the wind

still You hear me when i'm calling
Lord You catch me when i am falling
and You told me who i am
i am Yours
i am Yours

who am i?
that the eyes that seen my sin
would look on me with lov3e
and watch me rise again

who a i?
that the voice that calm the sea
would call out to the rain
and calm the storm in me

not because of who i am
but because of what You've done
not because of what i've done
but because of who You are

i am a flower quickly fading
here today and gone tomorrow
a wave tossed in the ocean
a vapor in the wind

still You hear me when i'm calling
Lord You catch me when i am falling
and You told me who i am
i am Yours
i am Yours

home

2007-04-28T01:28:00.000-05:00

im going home
to the place where i belong...
definitely not the right
let go
it hurts... bad...
be careful what you wish for
you just might get it all
tears are like streams
flowing down your soft flawless face
your smell lingers
as a fragrance never before
that piercing style
makes me shiver
like the cold cold weather
i wonder
if you've ever
perhaps never
or ever

______________________ (neverending story)

why?

2007-04-14T01:45:00.000-05:00

isn't it funny when you actually start to do things for no apparent reason?
it's kinda weird that you would go to the extra mile for the certain someone
you would do things you never knew you were capable of
you would hope so bad that he or she will pass by you everyday
hopefully hoping that they will notice and feel the same way too?
you walk pass their car and house dozens of time
maybe you would be able to bum into him or her while doing so
if not, you stop by the library or the cafeteria...
maybe they're there, maybe not? who knows...
where are they? back home or here in your heart
you wonder what they will think, what they are thinking of at that point of time
huh? what? you have no idea what im talking about?
i dont either...

Boston

2007-04-11T00:06:00.000-05:00

So, i heard about this song a long time ago but never got to download it... Somehow.. thanks to ms Rach it reminded me of it...

its awesome...

Boston

in the light of the sun, is there anyone? oh it has begun...
oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
this world you must've crossed...you said...

you don't know me, you don't even care,
you don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

essential and appealed, carry all your thoughts across
an open field,
when flowers gaze at you...they're not the only ones who cry
when they see you
you said...

you don't know me, you don't even care,
you don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

she said i think i'll go to boston...
i think i'll start a new life,
i think i'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
i'll get out of california, i'm tired of the weather,
i think i'll get a lover and fly em out to spain...
i think i'll go to boston,
i think that i'm just tired
i think i need a new tow, to leave this all behind...
i think i need a sunrise, i'm tired of the sunset,
i hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice...
boston...where no one knows my name...

Welcome To The Black Parade

2007-04-11T00:04:00.000-05:00

When I was
A young boy,
My father
Took me into the city
To see a marching band.
He said,
"Son when
You grow up,
Would you be
The saviour of the broken,
The beaten and the damned?"
He said
"Will you
Defeat them,
Your demons,
And all the non believers,
The plans that they have made?
Because one day
I'll leave you,
A phantom
To lead you in the summer,
To join the black parade."

When I was,
A young boy
My father, took me into the city
To see a marching band
He said, "Son when you grow up,
will you be the saviour of the broken,
the beaten and the damned?"

Sometimes I get the feeling, she's watching over me
And other times I feel like I should go
And through it all, the rise and fall
The bodies in the streets
And when you're gone we want you all to know

We'll carry on, We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And in my heart I can't contain it
The anthem won't explain it

A world that sends you reeling from decimated dreams
You're misery and hate will kill us all
So paint it black and take it back
Lets shout it loud and clear
Defiant to the end we hear the call
[ Lyrics found on http://www.metrolyrics.com ]

To carry on

We'll carry on,
And though your dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though your broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches on
And on we carry through the fears
Oh oh oh

disappointed faces of your peers
Oh oh oh
Take a look at me 'cause I could not care at all
Do or die
You’ll never make me
Because the world will never take my (heart)
Go and try; you’ll never break me
We want it all, we want to play this (part)
I won’t explain, or say I’m sorry
I’m not ashamed, I’m gonna show my (scar)
Give a cheer, for all the broken
Listen here, because it’s who we (are)
I'm just a man; I'm not a hero
Just a boy, whose meant to sing this (song)
I'm just a man; I'm not a hero
I
Don't
Care

We'll carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though your broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches on
Do or die
You’ll never make me
Because the world will never take my (heart)
Go and try; you’ll never break me
We want it all, we want to play this (part)
Do or die
You'll never make me
Because the world will never take my (heart)
Go and try; you'll never break me
We want it all, we want to play this (part)
We'll carry on

another same feeling...

2007-04-04T17:02:00.000-05:00

It feels as if it's deja vu...
Somehow, this is a path i've walked down before,
once again, im at the same point in my life.
i tried moving on... i still am, and i will...
i try to be content i know but at the back of my mind, its not going to be easy for me...
why am i placed in such a situation over and over again?
i doubt i can take it anymore, sometimes i feel as if im going to burst any moment...
i wish i could just walk away... and it'll be a part of my memory forever...
then the question is, will i be satisfied and happy with that decision?
leave me alone... leave me alone...

It's great...

2007-04-03T01:02:00.000-05:00

It's great to be here once again..

It's great to see you all once again...

It's great just being apart of the life...

It's great in a way...that i am free from you

It's great that i can learn how to stand on my own two feet

It's great that i know my stand...

It's great that i have You in my life and my heart...

It's great to know that you're there by my side (at all times)...

It's great to be a part of your presence

It's great to be just me despite the hardships in life..

It's great when you're there...

Cause that's what makes it great...

Gloria and Pat tagged me...

2007-03-23T22:02:00.000-05:00

...so i have to play along lor... :p (Teng, 2007)

"Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog."

okay.. so this is something really WEIRD.... as in doing this is weird for me... i dont do such WEIRD things... like duh~~ cause it's WEIRD.. dont u get it? (number 1) haha

well... i laugh like an evil witch or so they say... in other words... i have a weird laughter... so im gonna put that as (number 2)

this is not weird... but i figured i put it in... I like guys with pierced ears... one side... ahhaa.. and on the CORRECT side.. (go figure)... so that would be (number 3)

ooo... my toe... its kinda slanted to one side... i think it's cause i wear a lot of sports shoes stuff when i was little... so my big toe is not straight... it is slanted towards the inside... (number 4)

(number 5) this is not that weird.. but who cares... it'll pass... My second toe is longer than any other toes i have... not that i even THINK it is weird... but im running out of weirdness to list.. so there u go...

lastly... i don't like onions and garlic.. at least i dont like em raw... (i know.. i know... this aint weird... but i cant think of anymore... i guess im just PRETTY normal... haha)

tag: Louis Tang, Rachel Puan, Ern Chee (if she didnt see the one from Gloria), My sis, thats bout it.. and whoever else wants to do it.. ciao...

p.s. Im leaving for US tonight!! woohooo yippee!! :p (OK... not sure of thats d right emotion or not)

happy happeeee burstday!!!

2007-03-15T11:53:00.000-05:00

to my bestest bestest ever gal friend!!!

ms GLORIA TENG AI HUI

have super duper happy blessed awesomeness fun filled fantastica

BIRTHDAY!!

may God richly bless you dear... love you always!!

love,
Val

updates...

2007-03-13T10:43:00.000-05:00

ok... once again ive left my lovely blog to die... guess i aint a good blog keeper but a good blog reader... muahhaha

a lil update then...

i) ive been working since beginning of january till last week friday (9/3/07)... and boy was that a long but interesting experience...

the principal, teachers and kids all 'surprised' me with a party thingy... (which my kids kinda blew it cause for the last 2 days in class whenever i entered the class, they would like at me big eyed and say 'hi teacher' or 'can i help you with this or that' such stuff has never happened previously... haha
and i kinda miss the kids now... its term break and this is it...despite the fact that they were pretty nasty occasionally... ya know teaching at the homeschooling center has trained me to be super duper fierce and i have a super loud voice... oh yeaa...

ii) ive got bout less than 2 weeks before i leave again to US... arghhh once again sooo many things to do and prepare... not cool at all...so yeaaa trying... the key word here is 'trying' to move my a**

iii) wanna go do tons of things... am going to penang to savor the glorious food once more b4 i leave (dang im fat!) then wanna go sing K, and do some last minute shopping for stuff not available in US

iv) and hopefully i can enter US with no probs la... i cant deny the fact that ive only got 90% chance of entering to US... so yea... please please uphold me in prayer...

v) managed to visit aunty Kum today, she has definitely aged a lot since the last time i saw her, but she is still that awesome aunty Kum i knew since young.. and she gave me a stack of bookmarks to take home for the kids in US or whoever in US... and it definitely is a blessing... she herself is a blessing to many..

okie... dats bout it... im bumming now.. so yea... ;p

whatever~

2007-01-26T09:38:00.000-06:00

no comments...

such complicatedness...

might as well just shadap sometimes...

wanna go back.. dont wanna be disturbed by a whole bunch of crap...

sheesh...

a lil update

2007-01-08T07:48:00.001-06:00

alrighty... yes, i havent blogged in a while... i have my super valid reasons... lets go chronologically...

i) i had finals and 3 huge final papers to hand in to my lecturers... (all dued around the same day)
ii) i finished everything on the 15th of dec, i was leaving for chicago on the 19th, and packing my luggages to clear the house (we were moving out, not living at 1011B, Dewey anymore :( i miss the house) only 3 days to do all these and to bid my farewells...
iii) so i left to chicago and it was hectic (shopping and eating yummy scrumptious food) although i spent 5 days there...
iv) back to b-town for 2 days before leaving to malaysia, celebrated christmas with Pastor Stan and Darlene, Kristen and her wonderful family, and service at church...nice and peaceful, i loved it...
v) airplane ride = one word = SUCK!
vi) touch down at Singapore = one word = HUMID!
vii) back in good ole KL, Malaysia = two words = HOT, HUMID!!!!!!
viii) one week of catching up with family and some friends...
viiii) started work today...

so here i am... facing my lil box, listening to third day, im tired... and it's just the 1st day of work! how??

i miss b-town! i do wanna go back... it's kinda sad cause i probably should be missing KL more... haha...

my dissapointment

2006-11-25T14:47:00.000-06:00

the dissapointment has not faded yet... but what can i do?

the fact that one cannot realize the wrong that they have done... is a dissapointment...

what dissapointed me the most was not that i was left alone to wait in the cold, worried sick something happened, wanting to call someone... but what dissapointed me the most was that there was no apology, no nothing but only denial... and the worse part is to not acknowledge it...

although i am not angry anymore or am i pissed... i cant help but feel this pain in my heart that something was wrong...

dissappointment clouds my thoughts now... dark dark clouds above my head... don't rain please...

thanksgiving

2006-11-23T11:36:00.000-06:00

alright... im here blogging from the cities in minneapolis... its fun!!! im enjoying every single minute of being here... with my fren in her house... her family is just awesome... thanx julie... im loving it...

well, to cut the story shortof what has been happening here in the past few weeks of my life,

1st off, hun, fang and myself celebrated our birthday's together... since our birthdays were so close together...dat was fun! people came we did some crazy stuff too...

i had a surprise earlier on, on my birthday... parents got me flowers.. it was pretty.. got cards and presents from awesome frens around... my housemates wonderfully tricked me into beleiveing i had some secret admirer.... cus they left 'anonymous' on d flowers... and dat kinda freaked me out cus of soem stuff... hehe but it was a good one guys...

im down with tons of assignement now... but im kinda sorta taking a break from it all... so im here in d cities.. gonna go albertville to shop a lil later on friday and get some stuff for people around... hehe...

for now.. dis is gonna be an awesome week.... weather is perfect... not too cold too... ;p

so yea.. happy thanksgiving to all... and have a blast... be thankful for everything we got...

2006-11-02T14:25:00.000-06:00

have you seen snow flakes? snow flakes falling down from the lovely lovely sky...
as it calmly falls down to the soft soft ground... like little diamonds falling to the ground... you can't catch em, you can only see em...

snow flakes... they're pretty...

2006-11-02T14:23:00.000-06:00

im sad... sad... sad...

i lost my wallet... i really just want back the stuff in my wallet... that's all... you can have the money... i dun mind... ahhh... im sad... and there's nothing i can do about it... :(

catharsis

2006-10-23T18:15:00.000-05:00

okay... so the snow has sorta kinda started here in B-town... it wasnt suppose to... or rather... in my mind it wasnt suppose to... and darnit its frigging cold... its getting colder and colder each day... ah well... its brrrrrmidji....wat can i say?

lately... am tied up with work and assignments a whole bunch...stuff... and stuff... and stuff... aihhh... life seems sooo routine...getting tired of it...

ah wells, so on sunday.. i managed to try deer meet.. like seriously DEER meat (not that i havent eaten any in malaysia...) but this is stuff that people here hunt down or bang into on the roads... yeps... u got me right... deers and cars = bad combination = bad and BIG accident... this 'lil' are way tougher than u think they are.... geezz.. apparently they weigh bout 250 pounds or something... its scary...anyws, so back to d story.. Jonathan cooked deer meat for me... one dat someone someone banged and was on d roadside... and he wonderfully brought d 'pink fresh meat' as quoted by him... home... he shoots and hunts em down too.. btu not the one he cooked for me tho... hehe... amazingly he can use bows and arrows to hunt deers too... isnt amazing the hobbies people here have? at least im amazed!

we had a deeparaya celebration here too yesterday (sunday)... 2 of the major celebrations in Malaysia... had quite a bit of fun...well.. i only stayed bout 30 mins... and had toleave for leadership meeting at Brian and Sandi's... but yea.. d food was good... yummy... spicy food i still like... after meeting, went over to Tim's to watch star wars... its kinda been a routine to watch star wars after sunday nights... since jolee hasnt watched it and james was really keen on it... so i tagged along...claiming that im going to study when i get there.. only to my dismay... i left my book at ai rene's and ching ching's cus they dyed my hair for me earlier on before the deeparaya thingy... so i ended up watchin half of it and sleeping thru half of it cus i was seriously dead tired...

anyws... sometimes i really dont understand you... i wonder why... (i know this is out of the whole post... no relevance... but its catharsis)... *grin*

smile...

2006-10-21T00:02:00.000-05:00

my fren once told me that i looked terribly fierce if i dont smile.. so... SMILE! hehe...

hugz... fun fun fun!! we should give hugs to everyone! yay!...

Believe

2006-10-05T10:53:00.000-05:00

I say on Sunday how much I want revival

But then on Monday, I can’t even find my Bible

Where’s the power

The power of the cross in my life

I’m sick of playing the game of religion

I’m tired of losing my reason for living

Where’s the power

The power of the cross in my life

I’m not content just to walk through my life, giving in

To the lies, Walking in compromises now

We cry out as a generation that was lost

But now is found in the power of the cross

We believe in You

We believe in the power of Your Word that is true

We believe in You

So we lay down our cause

That our cross might be found in You

I’m not satisfied doing it my own way

I’m not satisfied to do church and walk away

I’m not satisfied there’s no love in my life but You

I’m not satisfied living in yesterday’s hour

I’m not satisfied to have the form but not the power

I’m not satisfied, Lord I am crucified in You

So we lay down our cause

That our cross might be found in You

half half...

2006-09-27T23:49:00.001-05:00

wow... its been a long day for me today...(well, maybe not that long but long enough for me if i have to say...)

was practically 'fishing' in statistics today... darnit i dun understand a thing he was yapping about... and i was on the verge of losing my concentration... then not to forget there was dance exam next at 11am... i was afraid of something... but i really thank God it didnt happen, so in a way i was relieved... phewww.... BUTTTTT to my amazement.. something else came along...something unexpected, something im not really looking forward to... i hope it wont be too dreadful or whatever....

went home only to realize i didnt have my set of keys and i had to spend my time in the library... the library is not really the place i wanna be... or dat i like to be at... but i did some research found some articles which ive yet to read... hehe...

worship practice tonight was awesome.. somehow when we had that session of praise and worship before the actual practice, it felt good to be in His presence once again... i am really looking forward to mrow thursday night fellowship...

and right now as im typing this... i just realized dat... i made someone angry.. kinda offended that friend of mine without even realizing it... however, i dun really understand where i did wrong... cus i already seldom talk to that person... but i guess we are both from rather different worlds... and maybe i really did upset that person without knowing i did it... im a lil upset now...

jaded

2006-09-25T16:43:00.000-05:00

lately ive been feeling a lil jaded...
not too sure why... relatinship with God is not as strong as it was... guess its mostly my fault.. things clouding my mind... and stuff are catchin up after me...

i know its pretty dumb to ask this question... but can God hear me? are You there Lord? i feel void... i feel lost, i feel trapped and maybe even crushed at times...

oh great God, be small enough to hear me now... dat is my prayer... Lord, help me turn back to You... i dun want to live a life when You're not there...

whatever that is hindering me from You, Lord may You please work Your wonders...

im writing this here as a promise to myself... that i may keep myself accountable... thank You Lord...

tagged!

2006-09-21T01:42:00.000-05:00

The rules:
Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italise the statements that you WISH are true.
Leave the Fibs alone.
Then, stab 5 people to do the same test.

I miss somebody right now.
I dont watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe that honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse.
I have changed mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe , free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
I'm currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer. (a little of both)
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it. (i actually hate spongebob...)
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time. (pat, i totally agree with you on this!)
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at a McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I somehow enjoyed this thingy !!!
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that i work with.
I am a caffeine junkie. (partial true)
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie...

not too bad eh? haha...

i tag: monkey, shawn, glo, ernchee and rachel puan! DO IT!

and so it is...

2006-09-16T01:29:00.000-05:00

and so it is... one week has gone by again...

worked the hell outta my life this week... since thursday... my legs has been aching till now... stood all d way from thursday mornin 10 am till nite 10pm... its jus been a long day of work, cycling, stairs, work again, guitar'ing...
then friday comes with MORE work... 10 am once again, till 1 pm then exams... and work again, some cycling done, grocery shopping, badminton and exercise machines...
all this add together=broken leg... strained arm muscles... there u go... ! yay!

i dunno if i should be happy or complaining about having too much work to do... i'll choose to go with the positive side... more MONEY! yipppeee... hehe...

gonna go to itasca state park mrow... crossing the so-called mississipi river... so now i can tell everyone ive crossed the river AGAIN! hehee...(but another day of standing and walking...not cool...)

i still am in a diverged road... what should i do? an internship or just go for my OPT? im so lost... help...

Every me every you - Placebo

2006-09-14T00:54:00.000-05:00

Sucker love is heaven sent

You pucker up, our passion's spent

My hearts a tart, your body's rent

My body's broken, yours is spent

Carve your name into my arm

Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed

'Cause there's nothing else to do

Every me and every you

Sucker love, a box I choose

No other box I choose to use

Another love I would abuse

No circumstances could excuse

In the shape of things to come.

Too much poison come undone

'Cause there's nothing else to do

Every me and every you

Every me, me

Sucker love is known to swing

Prone to cling and waste these things

Pucker up for heavens sake

There's never been so much at stake

I serve my head up on a plate

It's only comfort, calling late

'Cause there's nothing else to do

Every me and every you

Every me, me

Every me and every you,

Every me, me

Like the naked leads the blind

I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind

Sucker love I always find

Someone to bruise and leave behind

All alone in space and time

There's nothing here but what here's mine

Something borrowed, something blue

Every me and every you

Every me, me

life...

2006-09-12T02:25:00.000-05:00

okay, so i DID promise sorta kinda to update the stuff bout Pursuit II... which i dun really have the mood to do so now... (or will i ever?)

its frigging 2.20am here now and im not asleep... got some stuff to do... and was chatting with fangie jie earlier on about what to do after my degree...got me pondering... what SHOULD i do? i needa start making sure i know where im heading right after this cus there are tons of stuff to consider (e.g. GRE, OPT, internship) ooo i wished i need not think about it... FAT CHANCE!

anyw, ive gotta focus on some research thingy that my group is doing... we're focusing on anti intellectualism and perfectionism... so the hypothesis is simple... (if im gettin this right), the more self-oriented perfectionist has a higher anti intellectual scores compared to those from a socially prescribed perfectionist...

2 types of perfectionist covered here, self oriented are those people who are intrinsically motivated and they push themselves to do stuff kinda thing... where else the socially prescribed perfectionist is perfectionism due to the environment matters...extrinsically motivated...

how true is this, no one knows... dats y we are here to find out...

dance classes was awesome... i enjoyed it although i think my left arm muscle is aching a little due to the fact whre all d guys are super tall... so my arm is arched in a weird way... *rolling eyes*... im surprised at how much i pretty much enjoy social dance... not as bad as i thought it was... hehehe...

well for now, i need to think of a model for our wonderful concept about the whole anti intellectualism thingy...

oh someone pls pray that the marks on my hand will go away and that no more will come out.. cus occasionally it still itches me... (the bug thingy... darn!)

adios...

Be Small Enough - Nicole Nordeman

2006-09-02T18:59:00.000-05:00

Oh, Great God, be small enough to hear me now.

There were times when I was crying from the dark of Daniel's den;

And I have asked you once or twice if You would part the sea again.

But tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky.

Just want to know you're gonna hold me if I start to cry.

Oh great God, be small enough to hear me now.

Oh great God, be close enough to feel You now.

There have been moments when I could not face Goliath on my own.

And how could I forget we've march around our share of Jerichos.

But I will not be setting out a fleece for You tonight.

Just want to know that everything will be alright.

Oh, great God, be close enough to feel You now.

All praise and all the honor be;

To the God of ancient mysteries.

Whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our history.

But tonight my heart is heavy,

And I cannot keep from whispering this prayer.

Are You there? And I know You could leave writing on the wall that's just for me.

Or send wisdom while I'm sleeping, like in Solomon's sweet dreams.

But I don't need the strength of Samson or a chariot in the end...

Just Want to know that You still know how many hairs are on my head.

Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now.

Be small enough Oh Lord... help me...

Classes?

2006-08-28T23:14:00.000-05:00

Before Pursuit part II comes out, (which i really dont know when!), FYI, classes has begin... SO NOT COOL! aihh... :(

Pursuit...

2006-08-24T01:24:00.000-05:00

And so it is, Ive finally decided to update my blog a lil after much thinking... hehe

Its been a few days since i got back form Camp Castaway aka (Pursuit) at Detroit Lakes, MN. It was a 2 and a hlaf hour drive away from Bemidji... James was an angel to take Cassie, Grace and myself to the place (he actually had to drive up bout 45 mins to get to Bemidji then take off to go to Detroit Lakes again.. hehe) but thanx to him i learnt a lot about the wild life and farms here in US. First of all, deers here in Bemidji run out in the middle of the highway and its the vehicle which has to stop for the deer to pass... and, if ure lucky enough, a deer might jus jump out of no where and smash you right in fornt of your windshield.. isnt that scary or wat? can kill someone by doing that apparently...

Next, i saw a dead porcupine on the road on the way... dat was jus amazing... didnt manage to take a picture... but yea.. my 1st time seeing a real porcupine in the flesh... not on tv... hehe... it was all pointy and cute... but dead.. :(

I learnt that cows need to be milked twice everyday, its like a must if not the cow will die.. there are 2 types of cows.. the dairy type and the steak type... d dairy one is obviously the black and white ones, while the others are for meat usage kinda thing... i was most amazed by the milking thingy though... that was an interesting fact for me cause i really dodnt know it worked that way...

anyway, the camp was an awesome one... God worked in many ways in the camp... i dun even noe how to start...

basically, we all break up into different sections that each of us has signed up for... i personally signed up for the hard sayings of Jesus. that was a track which really caught my attention as i always had various struggles regarding different verses in the B.I.B.L.E.

then we had the URBANA (a whole US wide youth conference thingy end of this year) team come over for praise and worship sessions... they were just an awesome bunch! and they were diversed alright! malaysia, US, africa, i dun remember all.. but it was just amazing... we sang our hearts out and worshipped the Lord God Almighty! Praise the Lord for that!

we had tons of prayer sessions too... im actually glad that this was a prayer moving camp... Im sure God heard our prayers and He will answer em in no time... and thru prayer one gets to know more and draw closer to Him and to frens around you.

for now... that's bout it... this is just part1, more to come soon... too tired to type on now... adios! :)

Dream on...

2006-08-21T11:38:00.000-05:00

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for,

and if you dare dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking the fool for love,

for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.

I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow,

if you have been opened up by life's betrayals

or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,

if you can dance with wildness

and let ecstacy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes

without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic,

or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.

I want to know if you can betray another to be true to yourself;

if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not a pretty day,

and if you can source your life from God's presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,

and stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver light of a full moon,

"Yes!" It doesn't interest me to know where you live

or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair,

weary and bruised to the bone,

and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't matter who you are, or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire

with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,

and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer (A Native American Elder) ~

birthday surprise/nap nightmares...

2006-08-14T01:56:00.000-05:00

okay...

so we had a surprise party for yi my housemate here on Sunday midnight, which means its 14th (monday)... hahaa... tooo many 'holes' in the whole process but she didnt really figure... so thank God it was pretty successful....

had friends come over... they were an awesome and cooperative bunch...

d house is a mess and i aint got any pics yet... but yea... fren is gonna upload her video to youtube, when that happens u'll get to see it... *grinz*

anyw, will be leaving mrow morn (monday) at 8 to Detroit Lakes for an intervarsity christian fellowship camp... really cant wait... not only is this a break from working... i get to go stronger with Him each day... and meet new people and this year apparently there is gonna be some international cultural thingy too... now how fun can that get eh?

well its pretty late now... i really should go get some sleep but the ice cream cake (from DQ-blizzard ice cream cake) is kicking into me... im still wide awake now... brrrrr...

will be back on friday... and work starts immediately after that...

and lately... the weirdest thing has been happening to me... i dream of WEIRD freaky dreams during NAP time..... NAP TIME!! how in d world does dat happen... in 45 mins of nap, i can come out with the wildest things in my dream... stuff growing out of my frens' arm, weird swimming awards and songs which have a funky tune... haaaha... something is wrong with me perhaps... my 'unconcsious' as what Freud says? hahaha (fat chance)

thats it for now.. i needa sleep... hahaa... ciao peeps... ;p

time blows away out tears...

2006-08-11T14:14:00.000-05:00

i guess it's about me...
i needa be able to look at things with a wider perspective...
it's funny... i always tell others to put their feet into the other persons' shoe...
but yet i doubt i did that...
i should look at things simpler...
with an open mind and not to be so rigid...

going through stuff like this aint easy, but it definitely helps to strengthen my walk with Him...

For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
Matthew 7:2-4

random pics.... have fun scratchin i hope!

2006-08-11T01:42:00.000-05:00

| View

if i could be a part of me again...

2006-08-11T01:21:00.000-05:00

If i could be a part of me once again...
weird as it is... i seem to be drifting apart...
apart... away... far far away...
from... life... people... myself?

i aint really sure what am going through right now... but i know somethings different...
maybe it's just time i change and get on with my life...
is this what we call getting older and keeping to oneself more?
or is it something else?

I dunno... :(

Lately

2006-08-11T01:14:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have had the strangest feeling
With no vivid reason here to find
Yet the thought of losing you’s been hanging’
round my mind

Far more frequently you’re wearing perfume
With you say no special place to go
But when I ask will you be coming back soon
You don’t know, never know

Well, I’m a man of many wishes
Hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes won’t let me hide
cause they always start to cry
cause this time could mean goodbye

Lately I’ve been staring in the mirror
Very slowly picking me apart
Trying to tell myself I have no reason
With your heart

Just the other night while you were sleeping
I vaguely heard you whisper someone’s name
But when I ask you of the thoughts your keeping
You just say nothing’s changed

Well, I’m a man of many wishes
I hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes won’t let me hide
cause they always start to cry
cause this time could mean goodbye, goodbye

Oh, I’m a man of many wishes
I hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes won’t let me hide
cause they always start to cry
cause this time could mean goodbye

Stevie Wonder

p.s. I will try to put d song up when i figure out how to... :p awesome song...

getting ready?

2006-08-10T11:00:00.000-05:00

first day of job on the go... dun really needa prepare anything....

anyw... something i read...

what is the truth?
In one cataclysmic moment, millions around the globe dissappear.
Vehicles, suddenly unmanned, careen out of control. People are terror stricken as loved ones vanish before their eyes.
In the midst of such global chaos, what is the truth? What ate the darkest days going to be like?

Seriously, i cannot imagine it... currently reading LEFT BEHIND by Tim LaHaye & Jerry B. Jenkins... a lil late.. but got it from church's library... It's weird, ya know.... the feeling you get when rapture happens. I seem to feel a tinge of scared... yet i know, i should not feel that way...

And i found out an interesting fact, (well, interesting for me at least)... not everyone can hear the trumpet call when it is rapture... only believers.... all along i thought everyone would be able to hear it...

thanx to VENDETTA! :p

2006-08-10T00:42:00.000-05:00

Well, thanx to mr V, ive got my blog all set and ready to go... :p a big hug to you for all uve done and beared with my complains.... hehehe.... ure a life saver!!

anyw, today was a long day... was suppose to go to the boys and girls club but i didnt make it... partly because my fren didnt go with me... and i had other things to do as well... which im glad im done with it...

worship practice was great... had an awesome time singing... and praising Him... :p so dat was kinda cool

oh btw, an amazing thing happened in Bible study last nite... kenny went for Bible study... well i guess after much persuasion from the others, he tried it out... which im glad he did, and yea... he even went for it today...

im gonna start work mrow at walli's.... dishroom it is... well, the job may suck, but its earning income no matter what, and i really appreciate it... so yea... im praying hard that Tony (the manager) would lemme continue working thru out d semester as well...

*can't believe im listening to jay's song thru d speaker of mr V's* hahaha...

new bloggie! :P

2006-08-08T23:36:00.000-05:00

here goes nothing... under the HUGE pressure of all my friends having blogs where there is a chatbox... im jus super tempted to start one too... hehehe...

anyw, this here will be a continuation from my old frenster blog... and yea... we'll see how this one works...

for now... im onto a new anime thanx to monkey aka louis aka seng chee!! haha... yakitate!! japan is awesome... very interesting anime with bread bread BREAD!! ehhehehe... awesomeness!!

adios for now... :p