frustrated... tired...
okay... haven't blogged and update for the longest time! BUT lots of good things and sad thing have happened... just didn't get a chance to write it down...
however, today...
argh... actually, for the past few days...
I feel like i have endangered random people around me...
nearly knocked a guy jogging as I was reversing my car to go to work last Wednesday, nearly collided with a lady driving as I was heading to Smiths on Thursday after work... overwhelmed with what my Resource teacher was talking about... weekend, i slept through the friggin whole day on Saturday, wasted all the time (well at least i got some work done i guess)... and I KNOW! in all these things, count my blessing, and the truth is i realized how much God has protected me, just the 2 near-accidents are great examples, he saved me...
RT came out today again, man I felt like a dumbo... i had zero idea what the heck she was saying, and i was getting rather frustrated as she kept going on and on... she saw the blank stare at my face probably, and she tried explaining it again, but i was like, what the heck??? more data collection, the reading program you are using, how you relate this to that? where you get that from? how i put and organize my assessments... PLEASE enough!!!!!! grrrr... (i just need to let it out, no worries)... it is so tiring... you ask me if i am burned out, i want to say no, but i am beginning to wonder of i really am???!!! I don't consider this as burned out though... i don't know... all i know is, i feel like a dumb dumb right now, such simple things also i don't understand... am i doing things right? where did i screw up if i did? i know you said i didn't, but isn't that what you kinda tell everyone else too? It's kinda like i tell my special needs student, oh you are so smart!! when in actual fact, not really?? (okay this sounds harsh...) but the truth is, one my students (well not really mine, next door special ed class student) knows! Yeah, we encourage and give positive reinforcement over and over, and i must say it is great, but when I said that, he was like, yeah if that's the case, why are we even in special ed??? I was greatly shocked...
I don't know... I am tired, and frustrated... I want to be and try to be the very best... maybe because if that, I feel this way now... maybe i should not push and give myself so much pressure... why do i do this to myself? I don't know... all i know is, I am tired right now... I wished I didn't have to be observed over and over again, I wished I knew if I was doing right or wrong...
Ok, no response to this post please... I am just venting, I will be okay by tomorrow... haha...
Lord, help me get over this... thank You.
however, today...
argh... actually, for the past few days...
I feel like i have endangered random people around me...
nearly knocked a guy jogging as I was reversing my car to go to work last Wednesday, nearly collided with a lady driving as I was heading to Smiths on Thursday after work... overwhelmed with what my Resource teacher was talking about... weekend, i slept through the friggin whole day on Saturday, wasted all the time (well at least i got some work done i guess)... and I KNOW! in all these things, count my blessing, and the truth is i realized how much God has protected me, just the 2 near-accidents are great examples, he saved me...
RT came out today again, man I felt like a dumbo... i had zero idea what the heck she was saying, and i was getting rather frustrated as she kept going on and on... she saw the blank stare at my face probably, and she tried explaining it again, but i was like, what the heck??? more data collection, the reading program you are using, how you relate this to that? where you get that from? how i put and organize my assessments... PLEASE enough!!!!!! grrrr... (i just need to let it out, no worries)... it is so tiring... you ask me if i am burned out, i want to say no, but i am beginning to wonder of i really am???!!! I don't consider this as burned out though... i don't know... all i know is, i feel like a dumb dumb right now, such simple things also i don't understand... am i doing things right? where did i screw up if i did? i know you said i didn't, but isn't that what you kinda tell everyone else too? It's kinda like i tell my special needs student, oh you are so smart!! when in actual fact, not really?? (okay this sounds harsh...) but the truth is, one my students (well not really mine, next door special ed class student) knows! Yeah, we encourage and give positive reinforcement over and over, and i must say it is great, but when I said that, he was like, yeah if that's the case, why are we even in special ed??? I was greatly shocked...
I don't know... I am tired, and frustrated... I want to be and try to be the very best... maybe because if that, I feel this way now... maybe i should not push and give myself so much pressure... why do i do this to myself? I don't know... all i know is, I am tired right now... I wished I didn't have to be observed over and over again, I wished I knew if I was doing right or wrong...
Ok, no response to this post please... I am just venting, I will be okay by tomorrow... haha...
Lord, help me get over this... thank You.
posted by valeey at 9:48:00 PM
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