Indeed, God speaks...

I was just struggling about a "justice" issue... RIght before bed, I decided to look at today's devotional thoughts... here's what it says...

Jesus says, in effect, "Don’t worry about whether or not you are being treated justly." Looking for justice is actually a sign that we have been diverted from our devotion to Him. Never look for justice in this world, but never cease to give it. If we look for justice, we will only begin to complain and to indulge ourselves in the discontent of self-pity, as if to say, "Why should I be treated like this?" If we are devoted to Jesus Christ, we have nothing to do with what we encounter, whether it is just or unjust. In essence, Jesus says, "Continue steadily on with what I have told you to do, and I will guard your life. If you try to guard it yourself, you remove yourself from My deliverance." Even the most devout among us become atheistic in this regard— we do not believe Him. We put our common sense on the throne and then attach God’s name to it. We do lean to our own understanding, instead of trusting God with all our hearts.

How convicting yet assuring at the same time. Thank You Lord... :)

epiphany

So, it was Friday night that I suddenly got really uneasy... I wasn't sure what or how I was feeling. But I was really burdened... my heart felt heavy. It might've exploded... I dunno...

I was lethargic... it made me realize how fragile my life was... Oh, how God was in control of my life, He knows when and how long I have on this world. And I said a silent prayer to God...

"Lord, I know You love me, and Lord, You created me. If tonight You want to take me back, Lord, I pray that I will be with You forever, and that You would take care of mum and dad here on earth, let them not be disheartened. Amen"

As I went to bed, I could not help but think of all the people I know that didn't know my God... the One true God who loves us all for everything good or bad we have done in the past... the One and only God who washes away our sins and gives us hope, the One and only God who forgives us for the mistakes and sin we have done... where oh where can we ever find another like You Lord.

I have not been a good servant of You Lord... I have not spread Your word, and I felt terrible as I was laying there on my bed.

This morning, You gave me a chance again. You gave me life, and I am eternally grateful. Use me Lord. My life is Yours.

Thank you Lord.

bump as huge as an egg

My student bumped his head on the heater in my classroom today...

I have never ever EVER seen such a huge bump in my whole life...

It was scary... poor thing...

frustrated... tired...

okay... haven't blogged and update for the longest time! BUT lots of good things and sad thing have happened... just didn't get a chance to write it down...

however, today...
argh... actually, for the past few days...
I feel like i have endangered random people around me...
nearly knocked a guy jogging as I was reversing my car to go to work last Wednesday, nearly collided with a lady driving as I was heading to Smiths on Thursday after work... overwhelmed with what my Resource teacher was talking about... weekend, i slept through the friggin whole day on Saturday, wasted all the time (well at least i got some work done i guess)... and I KNOW! in all these things, count my blessing, and the truth is i realized how much God has protected me, just the 2 near-accidents are great examples, he saved me...

RT came out today again, man I felt like a dumbo... i had zero idea what the heck she was saying, and i was getting rather frustrated as she kept going on and on... she saw the blank stare at my face probably, and she tried explaining it again, but i was like, what the heck??? more data collection, the reading program you are using, how you relate this to that? where you get that from? how i put and organize my assessments... PLEASE enough!!!!!! grrrr... (i just need to let it out, no worries)... it is so tiring... you ask me if i am burned out, i want to say no, but i am beginning to wonder of i really am???!!! I don't consider this as burned out though... i don't know... all i know is, i feel like a dumb dumb right now, such simple things also i don't understand... am i doing things right? where did i screw up if i did? i know you said i didn't, but isn't that what you kinda tell everyone else too? It's kinda like i tell my special needs student, oh you are so smart!! when in actual fact, not really?? (okay this sounds harsh...) but the truth is, one my students (well not really mine, next door special ed class student) knows! Yeah, we encourage and give positive reinforcement over and over, and i must say it is great, but when I said that, he was like, yeah if that's the case, why are we even in special ed??? I was greatly shocked...

I don't know... I am tired, and frustrated... I want to be and try to be the very best... maybe because if that, I feel this way now... maybe i should not push and give myself so much pressure... why do i do this to myself? I don't know... all i know is, I am tired right now... I wished I didn't have to be observed over and over again, I wished I knew if I was doing right or wrong...

Ok, no response to this post please... I am just venting, I will be okay by tomorrow... haha...

Lord, help me get over this... thank You.

Bridge Over Troubled Water

When youre weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
Im on your side. when times get rough
And friends just cant be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When youre down and out,
When youre on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
Ill take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
Im sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

ranting

it is at times like this that i feel very lonely and all by myself...
it's not that i don't know i have many friends that i can talk to or call whenever i want to,
however it is never the same as having someone here, near me that i can turn to for a hug or someone who could just listen to me rant...
i know God is here, i know He is always by my side and He hears it when I am going through these times... i wish He was physically here so that I can get a big hug...
i just listed out the things i have to do just for this month of January... i am not prepared to suddenly pick up so many responsibilities. there are so many expectations, and suddenly i am thrown a big pile of things as well... it is so overwhelming...
but i think it hurts most that i have no one here that i feel i can entirely turn to right now... :'(

p.s. my goal is to finish my assignment by 5pm, jan 10th.

Welcoming 2009

the new year has come...

i don't really feel much about the whole new year resolution thing and all... it feels just like another day.. of course i am thinking, woah... time really flew by cause one whole year is gone...

i am however extremely thankful for the protection that God has provided and given me... He has been by my side through my ups and downs, the hardships that I had to go through, the transition to a new place and adjusting to teaching and doing Masters and all...

thank God for all the friendships that I have built over the new semester here in Albuquerque, and also for the wonderful friendships that I have had whether back in MN or anywhere in US, and even all the way around the world, in Malaysia and NZ... :)

have also been thinking about what am i gonna do after my Masters and the bond for 2 years... im not sure yet.. it is really quite far ahead... ive got a year and a half for masters and the bond for 2 more years... i will technically be 27 by then... will i end up staying here or going back it really depends on where the Lord leads me... ive thought about it, i have no preference as to where i want to be... i guess... i would rather leave it to God...

talked to a good friend about relationships and marriage... another thing to leave within God's hands... it's interesting to see how so many friends whether older or younger are getting married or are already married for that matter... wow... time really does fly...

well, Blessed New Year anyways, welcome year 2009!

Thank You Lord Jesus, for all the blessings You have given to me whether big or small... for You are faithful! :)